Activity 3 .1
Here are some common coherence and cohesion problems. What is wrong with each
answer?
1
x was the most popular in 2007 (at 70 per cent). x fell dramatically over the period, to
33 per cent. y showed a steady upward trend, from 23 per cent in 2007, to 33 per cent.
By 2011, x and y were equally popular.
Answer
There are no cohesive devices. Ideas are not connected. Compare it to this version:
By 2011, x and y were equally popular, at 33 per cent, but they showed very different
trends prior to this. y showed a steady upward trend, from 23 per cent in 2007 to
33 per cent, whereas x started as the most popular widget, at 70 per cent, then fell
quite dramatically to 33 per cent.
2
The population of developing countries increased slowly and then more quickly and then
very rapidly. The population of industrialised countries increased gradually and then a
little faster and then it plateaued and was much lower than the population of developing
countries.
Answer
This answer only uses one linking word 'and'. There is little logical connection between
ideas, making it sound like a list.
3
The survey results show that as people get older, particularly after age 45, they become
better at paying their bills on time and become less worried about their debts. There
seems to be a relationship between these things. Most people aged under 45 (65 per
cent of under-30s and 58 per cent of 30- to 45-year-olds) don't pay their bills on time.
Meanwhile, most people over 45 do pay their bills on time, with 30 per cent of 45- to
60-year-olds and only 15 per cent of the over-60s not paying. It seems that bill-paying
behaviour splits the population into two groups: under 45 and over 45. This is the same
with worrying about debt. In the two younger age groups, most people are worried about
debt: 75 per cent of the under-30s and 66 per cent of the 30-45s. In contrast. only 33 per
cent of 45- to 60-year-olds and 15 per cent of over-60-year-olds are concerned about
debt. Overall, there seems to be a connection between not paying bills on time and being
worried about debt. Where there is one, you also see the other.
Answer
There are no paragraphs. The answer is just one block of text, so the reader can't see
where one idea ends and another one starts. Even though the answer uses a variety of
cohesive devices, it cannot get a good mark for coherence and cohesion, because there
are no paragraphs.
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