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Practice activity 7.3: Supporting and developing ideas

Once you've brainstormed some relevant ideas, you need to think about how you can develop and support those ideas. Here's an example paragraph that a candidate has written in answer to the question. What's wrong with it?

It is clear that hand-held devices like phones and MP3 players are making people ruder. No one nowadays could deny that this is the case. Because of this kind of device, people act towards each other in a way that is much less polite. They have forgotten to use courteous behaviour. Without a doubt, such rudeness is a direct result of technology.

The candidate has not developed or supported their ideas! They have simply repeated the same idea over and over again in different words: that personal devices are making people ruder. But how are they making people ruder? What is an example?
Can you write your own answer to this question? You may use some of the relevant ideas from practice activity 7.2, as well as any other ideas or examples you can think of.

Answer

Portable electronic devices have brought a level of convenience to our lives that was unimaginable just a few short decades ago, enabling us to stay in touch and be entertained wherever we are. Like almost all technological advances, however, there are some negative effects. One such effect is that these personal devices are making people ruder both to people they know and to strangers.
It is a common sight to see two people at a café or restaurant together but not talking, because they are busy playing with their iPad or iPhone. It is also common to be having a conversation with someone and have them suddenly ignore you to read a text. Even in situations where it has traditionally been considered especially important to respect other people and be polite, such as a classroom or business meeting, people cannot tear themselves away from their devices. All of these examples make clear how this technology is interfering with accepted social behaviour.
As well as being rude to the people they are with, people are often rude to others in their general environment as a result of their addiction to technology. Perhaps the best example of this is people who answer their phone in cinemas, ruining the experience of an entire audience. But there are also the people who conduct Loud personal conversations in public places or, on the other side of the spectrum, bus-takers who perpetually have their earphones in and use this as an excuse to ignore another passenger's question or request for help.
There will always be rude people in the world, regardless of how society and technology may change. However, we need to do our best to see that the lure of personal entertainment does not take away our basic respect and concern for others.

(300 words)


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